Blessed, Alive and Grateful

Romans 10:13 – For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

May 2014 was the hardest time for me. No one knew because I was good at hiding everything with a smile or a joke. I was graduating and was turning 18 that month. I wasn’t going to church at the time but I did know about heaven and hell and about sin.

I was sitting in my room when all these thoughts came into my head, thoughts about “what am I going to do with myself?” “I’m not going to graduate with a good enough GPA to get into a school”; “I’m not going to find a job”, “I’m never going to get out of this town”, “I’m never going to succeed in life”, I was unhappy with my appearance. Thoughts that kept taking over my mind. I was sick of them, I wanted to end those thoughts right there. My older sister was sitting in the living room watching tv, I went to the kitchen and grabbed the aspirin bottle, went back to my room.

I cried in my room looking at the pills, anger had filled my body and I didn’t care if I went to hell that day, I didn’t care how I would leave this earth or my family. I took as many pills as I could and swallowed them, after I took them. Boom! Fear had overtaken my body and mind. I felt so sleepy and laid on the floor and closed my eyes. I assumed an hour had went by and I heard a voice that said “I’m not finished with you.”

I immediately opened my eyes and cried even more, just when I thought nobody had cared for me, there was one who did and He was God! I got on my knees and repented. I’ve never once doubted God after that day. There’s nothing that He can’t do for you. It took me awhile to tell my parents what I’ve done.

Suicide is nothing to joke about or tell someone to do. I pray for those who are dealing with it that God will heal you and bring you out of those thoughts. You don’t need no suicide hotline to help you, there is one who can and He is God! Put your trust in Him. Don’t think you are alone or feel like no one cares or loves you because Jesus does. He died for our sins. ❤️

I struggle daily but it’s nothing worth going to hell for. I am blessed to be able to wake up every morning because of Him. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 – And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

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